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Pushcart Prize and Million Writer’s Award nominated story: Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun

Charlotte was quick. She was waiting for me at the guest room door, her hand on the knob. She wanted to catch Sylvia in the midst of the ultimate form of human vulnerability: sleep. She gave me a sinister smile. “Go ahead, Charlotte. See what Sylvia has to say.” I stood arms akimbo and challenged … Continue reading

MasterChef USA / Parody / Reality TV / satire

Excerpt From ÜberChef USA: Episode 8//The One with Helen

“$(@)%*U%PW#@P%*,” Crank yelled, in an unintelligible thread of Brit swears, as he elbowed Gram aside. He looked beyond me. “All of you,” he said to my colleagues, “come look at Greta’s egg tartar.” My gloating competition clucked with joy. Crank held up the plate of raw eggs in front of my face. “Look!” I leaned … Continue reading

MasterChef USA / Reality TV

Excerpt MasterChef USA parody THIS IS THE GIRL From ÜberChef USA

“Slick’s been handed his walking papers,” Mike said. “But you didn’t hear it from me.” “Fired?” I said. “I heard his job was on the line, but.” “Soon he won’t know the difference between Sunday, Monday, Tuesday,” Mike said. “He’ll know Friday,” Jim said, “when he hits the unemployment line.” “Jeez. Why?” “He got owned … Continue reading